Dear Diary: An Exhausted Human or Motherhood Slump?

Dear Diary,

These last few days I’ve felt drained, unmotivated, unfocused and just plain exhausted. It’s not the kind of tired that a good night’s sleep can fix, or the kind of blah that a workout snaps me out of. Normally, I can move my body, get a little sweat in, and feel like myself again. But lately, even the things that usually recharge me have left me feeling more depleted. Am I just exhausted from being human or is it a motherhood slump?

I’ve been wondering why I'm experiencing this. Maybe my body is trying to fight off germs the kids are bringing home from school. Maybe it’s the change of seasons, or the season that I am in. Maybe it’s the weight of the invisible load of motherhood; you know...trying to do all the things.

Whatever the reason, I’ve noticed something unusual: for the first time in a long while, or quite possibly for the first time ever....I can’t quite get myself out of this funk. And it sucks. Because I’ve always been able to push through before.

The truth is, I really hate slowing down. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like sitting still very often. The inner monologue starts in: you’re lazy, you need to get your ass in gear, you’re not doing enough. My inner gremlin is loud, persistent, and I’ve spent so much of my life listening to it.

But these past few days, I’ve been trying something different. I’m practicing compassion. I’m giving myself permission to just be, even if it feels lazy and unproductive. I’m telling myself that maybe rest isn’t a weakness, but a sign of strength! I'm trying to remind myself that I have the ability to listen to my body. I'm retraining myself to respond with kindness instead of belittling.

It’s hard, Diary. Really hard. But I truly believe growth hides in the moments we resist the most.

When I look around at the world we live in, it’s no wonder I struggle with this. Productivity is celebrated. Busyness is praised. The person who hustles the hardest is often the one admired. But no one applauds the mom who takes a nap or lets the laundry sit another day in the dryer so she can catch her breath.

And yet, I’m realizing those quiet, unseen choices might matter the most. Because when I push through without pausing, I eventually burn out. I lose my patience, I snap at the people I love, I feel disconnected from myself. But when I give myself permission to rest even if it’s ten minutes lying on the bed petting the dog, or a slow walk instead of a fast run I feel a little better. I still feel a disconnect because I've always reset myself through movement, but it seems different. I think different in a trying a new skill way; exploring  the learning curve. 

Rest doesn’t erase the chaos of being a mom, a wife, a dance instructor, a human, but it's another tool I can, and need, to use to help me be at my best. 

So I’m writing this down today to remind myself (and maybe one day remind my kids too): slowing down doesn’t mean you’re falling behind. It doesn’t make you lazy. It makes you human. And honoring being a human is not a waste. 

Rest isn’t lazy, it's not selfish. It’s necessary. Rest is doing the work too. 

I will make it out of this slump, maybe even stronger than before.

Love,

Della