Dear Diary: I Will Not Be Tolerant of Harmful Religious Beliefs

Dear Diary,

The husband and I have made a mini library of inside jokes from things we’ve overheard through the years. People watching is entertaining enough, but (unintentionally) eavesdropping? That’s where the real magic happens. A comment overheard in Olympic National Park, an argument apartment neighbors were having, an old man grouching at his wife....we've turned them all into running jokes that still send us into fits of laughter. 

Recently I overheard something not funny. In fact, I think it's very frightening and it’s been deeply bothering me.  

I was at dinner with the 5 year old, sitting at the table directly behind us were two women. From their conversation I gathered they were church leaders.  It was amusing at first, hearing them talk about ways to "market" their personal beliefs in order to gain more believers into their congregation. Then their conversation shifted. 

I overhear "you know, my daughter keeps giving me all sorts of problems with lying mostly and being disrespectful to me. When I talk to her about it all she just tells me ‘it's okay I'll just pray and ask for forgiveness.’ I told her it doesn't work like that..." here, the other woman interrupts and says "well she's actually not wrong. I find this is a really hard concept for people to grasp, but it doesn't matter how you've sinned as long as you have accepted the Lord into your heart, all will be forgiven. Even on your deathbed and never stepped foot into a church, if you pray for salvation you will be saved and allowed into heaven" 

I actually turned around to see if the woman was joking. But she was serious, she even had her elbows on the table and was leaning closer to the other woman. The conversation kept going about how she wished more people understand how forgiving the lord is, there's nothing you could do that would not be forgiven. 

What is so chilling to me is the obvious lack of accountability that is implied by these teachings. If everything can be undone by a single prayer, where is the responsibility? If the standard for goodness is “don’t lose faith” rather than “be a good human”, what does that teach our children? None of this is new to me, I’ve heard this and similar “lessons” before. However hearing it as a parent hits harder. It makes it even more horrifying to me. 

It gets worse. The woman with the "lying daughter", said she believes their church is too soft on some subjects. She wanted more sermons about hell, fire and brimstone. She then proceeds to say, “those kind of lessons encourage me to live in Gods image so I do not end up in hell.” The other woman agrees with her.

This idea feels incredibly selfish to me. Being a good person only because you fear punishment, or expect reward?  This makes zero sense to me. Why must the motivation for being a decent human be fear of hell or hope of heaven? Why must moral behavior be considered a transaction with the divine? This is dangerous thinking. 

And honestly, it’s not just a personal discomfort. History AND current events are full of examples of how unquestioned religious teachings can justify evil behaviors: 

The Crusades: Murder and violence justified as doing “God’s Will”

The Inquisition: People burned at the stake, tortured, and punished for rejecting “God’s Word” 

Native American Boarding Schools: Native children beaten, abused and stripped of their cultural beliefs in the name of conversion.

9/11: Terror carried out because of the belief that violence serves God and earns paradise.

The Rohingya Crisis and Genocide: Entire communities violently attacked and destroyed in the name of religious cleansing.

Violence against women: Denial of healthcare, abortions and autonomy because of religious belief and faith. 

Violence against the LGBTQ+ community: Hate crimes, discrimination and condemnation because this “lifestyle” is not the way to live in “Gods Image”

I could go on. And on. And on.

All of these instances have the same things in common: 

Violence and harm is excused as “Gods Will”

Accountability is replaced with the promise of divine reward. 

“Defending Faith” “Saving Souls” etc are shields for harmful behavior and cruelty. 

As we have seen over and over and over again this type of thinking justifies violence. Violence against anyone who does not believe, or love, or live the same as you. How this okay?

A friend recently told me that they were told they need to be more tolerant of people with religious beliefs. I wholeheartedly disagree. I will not be tolerant when there are beliefs that are harmful and self serving in the name of a god. 

Love,

Della