Dear Diary: Practicing Yoga for Me, Now.

Dear Diary,

For years, I practiced the same exact yoga sequence six days a week. I loved it. Every posture, every flow, every hold was familiar and comforting. I would never change a single moment of the time I spent on my mat. Yoga wasn’t just movement: it was my sanctuary. It helped me grow in countless ways: building strength inside and out, finding focus, and carving out quiet space in the midst of life’s chaos.

Then life changed. The birth of my second child shifted everything. And with that shift came the realization that repeating that same yoga sequence, or even parts of it, had become a struggle.

Physically, it didn’t feel right. After months of postnatal back pain, I discovered that I have spondylolisthesis, a condition where a vertebra has slipped out of its place. It can’t be corrected without surgery, but I’ve learned to manage it with chiropractic care and careful attention to which exercises I do and which I avoid. Many of the poses I once practiced daily, with confidence and ease, are now off limits. That hit me harder than I expected. The body I had relied on for so long was unfamiliar. 

Mentally, it was even harder. Yoga had always been my source of joy, my daily ritual of grounding and reflection. But suddenly, getting on my mat felt like a test I couldn’t pass. I found myself comparing the body I have now to the one I had before. Moves that once felt effortless became difficult, even painful. Instead of feeling accomplished, I felt frustrated. Instead of feeling nourished, I felt restricted. Slowly, I began to avoid my mat, doing only the bare minimum: a few stretches after a workout, a brief flow that never lasted more than a few minutes.

Then one day, during a particularly quiet practice, it hit me: I was trying to follow a sequence that wasn’t meant for me anymore. I was holding on to a routine designed for someone else…..someone very different from the person I am today. That someone is me:

Della, human, wife, mother.

Before, I was Della, RYT, dancer, dance instructor. My identity was tied to a version of myself that existed in a very different time. Both versions are perfectly imperfect. Both are

valid. And both intersect in this evolving, messy, beautiful life I am living now.

Understanding that shifted everything about my practice. Now, when I step onto my mat, I ask one simple question: what feels right for me today?

Some days, the answer is a gentle flow that stretches my back and opens my heart. Other days, it’s a restorative pose held for longer than usual while I focus on my breath. Sometimes, I move with strength and intention. Other times, I simply sit in stillness, letting my body rest. The practice has become a reflection of my life: flexible, adaptive, compassionate. There’s no sequence I must follow, no expectation I feel the need to meet.

I’ve also realized, or maybe relearned, that yoga is a conversation with myself. Some days, my body whispers, “Go slow today.” Other days, it nudges me to challenge myself in new ways. Learning to listen, with honesty, has taught me patience, gratitude, and acceptance in ways I never anticipated. Yoga has become less about what I can do and more about honoring myself, exactly where I am.

The shift hasn’t been easy. I still catch myself thinking about the Della who danced, who held each pose with precision, who flowed seamlessly through the sequence I once loved. But now, I remind myself that she isn’t gone, she’s just evolved. The joy, strength, and growth I once found in yoga haven’t disappeared; they’ve transformed alongside me.

Yoga is no longer about replicating the past. It’s about showing up for the person I am right now. Some days, that person is strong and energized. Other days, she is tender and cautious. And both are worthy of practice, of care, of love.

Returning to my mat with this perspective has changed everything. I feel lighter, freer, more connected to myself. Yoga has returned to being a source of joy, not because my body can do everything it once could, but because I am once again practicing for me: Della, now.

And that is exactly what yoga has always been about.

Love,

Della