Dear Diary: Stop Telling Me to Let It Go

Dear Diary,

I keep hearing:

"just let it go"

"stop letting the small things get to you"

"it's not a big deal"

and so on.

To be honest, as a mom, and a wife, and a regular human I let countless small things slide throughout my day. Crumbs on the sofa, wet dog prints on the tile, 8 pairs of shoes left in the car, an eye roll at a simple request, crafts all over the dining table etc etc. But here’s the truth: those little things add up. And when they stack on top of an already full plate, they don’t feel small anymore.

When I bring one up to the husband, a friend, the kids, a dog.... it’s not because I can’t handle life’s little annoyances. It’s because, in that moment, it feels like a lot. It feels like one more thing in a day that's had countless "little things" let go.

So many people say “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”  (myself included!!) and I know it comes from a place of wanting to help. But really, what helps me “stop sweating it” isn’t being told to let it go....that's it's not a big deal.

What helps is being heard. Even for just a few seconds.

What I would rather hear is: “Wow that really sucks!” or “UGH, that is not fun!”. Those words don’t erase the mess or fix the problem (or lack there of), but they do let me know that I matter. They tell me my feelings aren’t an inconvenience, or ridiculous—they’re valid.

Sometimes when I’m met with responses like: “It’s not a big deal,” or “why don't you stop letting the little things get to you", it makes me question myself. I feel a bit dismissed.

Am I overreacting?

Is my experience valid?

And in that moment, I feel inconvenient. I feel like I don’t matter.

I don't know Diary. Maybe this is just me reminding myself: next time someone shares something that seems small to me (even/especially the girls!), I'll try to remember how it feels on the other side. Usually all I want is to feel seen and heard, it's not unreasonable to think that's what the other person wants too. I think that's a basic need of being human.

Sometimes all we need is for someone to just listen.

Thank you for listening, Diary.

Love,

Della